Wednesday, March 31, 2010

my happy pills {aka anti-depressants}

I call them happy pills, because anti-depressants sound so... depressing. ;)

In high school, I was the "fun one." I was voted "best personality" and "most outgoing" in my senior yearbook. I loved my life. Great friends, great boyfriend. And then it happened. On graduation night my junior year, I got an MIP. It was a big deal to me. And I made a commitment to myself and others that I would not drink anymore during high school.

My best friends? They partied. My boyfriend {now hubby}? He partied. So I went to parties. I drove my drunk annoying friends home. It's funny. You think being drunk is fun and funny until you see what it looks like sober.

This got old real quick.

Suddenly, I wasn't feeling like fun ole me anymore, and I really started struggling. Depression runs in my family. In fact, 4/6 of my dad's siblings are bipolar. Hubby {then boyfriend} had HUGE issues with me being on medication, and for years I let him convince me that it was "all in my head." We both know now that's not the case.

It's a chemical imbalance.

However, because of that insecurity I tried to come off the happy pills several times. GUESS WHAT PEOPLE! If you're feeling better and ready to come of your meds, in most cases it's BECAUSE of the meds you're feeling better! It took me a long time to figure this out.

I did go off the happy pills during pregnancy with Otter and The Baby. Number one reason Hubby doesn't want more kids! I was taking Well-Butrin with Raven which is considered safe. However that med never seemed to work for me.

When I told my current doc about my history of depression he suggested I start Zoloft as soon as The Baby was born. I was concerned that it would interfere with breastfeeding, but he assured me it wouldn't, and Dr. Google confirmed. :)

I started my happy pills the day I went home from the hospital, and honestly, I haven't felt this damn good since high school! I'm feeling like me again! All grown up of course. ;)

I've accepted that I'm probably going to be on these forever, and I'm okay with that. Hubby will now be the first to tell you THEY WORK! He loves the happy me and can't believe he ever doubted the need for happy pills!

Are you feeling depressed? anxious? tired all the time? no energy? Please do NOT be ashamed or embarrassed to get some help. And if you're already on meds and you still feel this way, talk to your doctor about trying something else. It took me years to find a med that worked for me because I didn't know there was a difference. They don't all work the same!

Be the best you can be for your family. They deserve it!

Linked at Things I Can't Say.

21 cleansing comments:

Stephanie said...

I love the honesty in the post... MANY women, like you and myself, deal with depression and anxieties beyond our control. I hate the negative connotation with anti-depressants, there is nothing wrong with them. I went through a really bad year and had people tell me I just needed to pray more... Are you kidding me?! I was praying every minute of the day that God would just help me out of the pit- it was impossible to pray MORE. I finally found a medication that worked and got some help! And I feel better than ever! Glad you are SO honest with this, I think a lot of women can relate :)

Ladybug Mama of 2 said...

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. So many people feel ashamed of their depression. And it helps to hear stories like yours. My sister was diagnosed with Bipolar when she was 17. She always knew that was what it was. But my parents never believed her. They finally found a doctor that confirmed it. Thanks again.

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

Thanks for sharing. I also take HAPPY PILLS and will forever. I am ok with that because it makes me a better mom and wife :)

Adrienne said...

I have several friends on these kinds of meds and I think sometimes you just need them ...Modern medicine has figured out how to better life you should full well take advantage.

Aphrodite's Mortal Friend (ME) said...

Beautiful post- the honesty is admirable!

Jessica said...

oh boy...this really hits home for me. Your story is exactly like mine, I was always really outgoing and fun to be around and then I had kids and everything about me changed. Ive been on meds since my first born 5 years ago and at my worst, my husband and to literally drag me out of was awful. I still struggle.

Anonymous said...

You speak for so many of us. I too have been on Happy pills and I know what you are saying. There is nothing to be ashamed of in doing this. They are here for us for a reason. Great post!

Anonymous said...

I was also diagnosed with depression. I love my happy pills and the way the make me feel. If I am grumpy my hubby will ask "did you take your happy pill today" I have been on them for over a year now and had to get them adjusted once. I felt like they was not effective anymore.

gamommy2two said...

Thanks for pouring your heart out about this. So many people don't want to talk about it b/c they're embarrassed, but it's so important for people to hear so they can recognize the symptoms in themselves.

Shell said...

Thanks for sharing this! Depression is very real, not just in someone's head or something you can talk yourself out of.

Thanks for linking up!

Erin said...

GOOD for you! I wish more people would understand depression as a chemical imbalance and not just "something in your head." Thanks for writing about such a sensitive subject!

Lisa said...

I like how you call them happy pills. My mom calls them asshole pills cause she says that is what my dad is when he doesn't take them. It's a joke in our family.
My daughter is a worrier and I FINALLY talked her into seeing the dr about it a year ago,the difference is amazing. Thanks for posting this and letting the world (even if it is a small part of our litle world) know there is nothing wrong with depression meds.

Sonora said...

Happy Pills IS much better than anti-depressants. Good for you for doing what you needed to to feel better. It is amazing what something like that can do for you and your family. You never know, there may come a time when you don't need them anymore.
I was diagnosed with OCD which depression comes along with, when I was 10. I took happy pills :) until I was 19. For some reason, I haven't needed them since then. I also did a year + of counseling, so I will use what I learned there to deal with the OCD and some depression. If I ever feel I need to go back on them, I will do it ASAP. Life is too short to feel like that when you don't have to!

Traci said...

Amen, sister. It is the responsible and loving thing to do to take your illness seriously and keep yourself healthy. There is no other disease where we expect people to go off their medicines. Thank you for being honest. It is brave women like you that show us what truly healthy thinking is. I know that there is someone reading this today that will feel better about themselves because you shared your story. Again I say thank you.

Brandi said...

Thanks for sharing your story!

Casey said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. thank you for being so open and honest. I was on zoloft for awhile and the only reason why I am not on it right now is because with my illness it is basically ineffective.

Laura said...

Thanks for sharing this. I have so much respect for people who recognize they need something and go out and get it.

For the Love of Naps - Sarah said...

Your honesty is brave and will hopefully empower other women to make choices that make their life better. You are inspiring!

Chelle said...

Amen honey! I couldn't have said it better myself! I'm still trying to get back up to where I was happiness-wise...I should never have cut my dose in half!

And I was the SAME way in high school and college. I miss the old me...I was her for awhile...until I thought I could go OFF my meds. Lol!

Thanks for writing this--I know you have just helped a tremendous amount of readers by doing so.


Susan (5 Minutes For Mom) said...

So funny.... I call my Paxil my happy pills too!

Although the name is kind of ironic, b/c they don't make me "happy" per se... they just balance me out... the drag is that I can't ever cry like a normal person, but that's better than crying all the time, b/c that really isn't normal.

I'm so happy that you and your hubby have come to terms with this being a life long thing. I know I'll likely need meds all my life, and I'm okay with that.

Thanks for sharing!

WonderWomanWannabe said...

Your honesty is so refreshing. Thanks for sharing this info. Sometimes I wonder if I don't need something.
I'm glad that your husband is on board now that he sees how much better you are. Kudos to him!

Thanks again for being so open about it!

PS I would LOVE to borrow your People in review idea for my blog everyonce in a while, if you wouldn't mind???

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