Wednesday, March 24, 2010

my second identity

Like many of you, when I started this blog I decided to remain anonymous. It just gave me peace of mind I guess. Living in such a small town, if someone wanted to find me it wouldn't be difficult. Therefore I choose to keep those details to myself.

I have let you in on a couple secrets since I first started, like my first name and the state I live in, as well as pictures of my family.

The people I know IRL, {I now know what that means thanks to Semi-Slacker Mom} don't know about this blog. {Except for you Vicki, you stalker.} :) And that's where it gets complicated.

I was hanging with a new friend the other day {YES! I made a friend} and she asked what my hobbies were. I said blogging, and that's pretty much it. Well my family blog I post to every 2-4 weeks doesn't exactly make blogging a hobby. Difficult to justify that one.

I guess I could tell friends about this blog, but it's nice to have some place to go to vent and talk about whatever the flip I want. I do try to be careful, in case I would be outed. I just don't want everyone in town reading my personal thoughts, especially when I start teaching again. Because in a small town, it's hard enough to keep your personal life personal the way it is. People don't blog around here. Not like we do. They don't get it.

Some of you have become friends. I laugh when you laugh. I cry when you cry. I "just dance" when you do. And I thank you for that.

This blog is me. But it's not "me". Does that make sense? I LOVE my kids' names and I dislike the names I've given them here. They don't fit. Sometimes, this blog is such a big part of my life that I feel more like Messy Mommy than Brooke. Two of the same, but not.

I remember when I told hubby about this blog, he was upset that I had kept it from him for so long. Said he felt like I was living another life. This blog is not another life, it's mine, but I understand where he's coming from.

I find myself being put in situations more and more where I have to decide which me I'm going to be. Do I want to sign up for this as Messy Mommy? Or do I want to sign up for this as Brooke? Or do I dare combine the two? It's starting to get to me a little.

I'm totally glad I'm not in the witness protection program. That would suck.

Have you chosen to blog anonymously? Why or why not? Do you struggle to keep your identities separate?

For more Pour Your Heart Out Posts, visit Shell.

32 cleansing comments:

Adrienne said...

I too have a private blog for me and my family and even though I use my name on this one sometimes I just leave stuff out.... I totally understand you there

Stephanie said...

My blog is very public and very private... meaning anyone can come, I am who I am, but I share very private things... I think I just figured a while back that if I wanted this to be a real place of healing and encouragement for me then I needed to be real. There are some things that I do not share, like things about my husband or family... it is not a place for me to bad mouth or be mean, rather a place for me to find encouragement with my daily struggles. Just some thoughts :)

OutnumberedMama said...

Your blog is the 3rd on my 6 degrees of Blogging Tour! I am now following your blog and I hope you will head over to my blog and check out the post! http://guidetosurvivingmotherhood.blogspot.com/2010/03/6-degrees-of-blogging-super-fun-way-to.html

Jayme said...

I'm open about who I am on my blog. My family knows about it. My inlaws even read it LOL

I couldn't be anonymous, I can't even remember my kids real names half the time

Stepping On Cheerios said...

I have struggled with this as well. I actually moved my blog and changed the name when I discovered that anyone could find it if they googled my real name.

However, I am a photographer and I want to share that part of me as well which just doesn't work annonymously. So, it's a little bit of both.

Lisa said...

I don't mind people knowing my real name but what I do mind is that my family reads it.

I don't mind my husband reading it. He has since day one and checks it often. He's actually upset I'm taking a break from it.
But he also is proud of it and tells everyone about my blog.

Our neighbors, our in-laws, and my mom etc. That, I could do without.
I feel like I have no place to put my personal stuff and thoughts at, where people won't judge!

I finally made a secret blog just for that purpose and while I did tell hubby about it, I didn't give him the address. I want to keep it to myself for awhile:)

Terry said...

I think I'm pretty much who I am in my blog...the stories are real. I will not bash my loved ones in my blog. I might hint around at some things that maybe I would like to say to them but haven't....just in case they read my blog they will then know when I said "it's ok"...it really WASN't! But I try to not hurt anyone's feelings....

blueviolet said...

My kids and my ex (ugh) know about my blog and read it, but the rest of my family does not. I quit blogging for a while because at one point everyone was reading it. I felt very censored and invaded. Now I feel like I can be who I am completely.

Shell said...

I cannot believe that I never thought about the teaching thing. If I go back to teaching, no way could I have the parents read my blog. Not that I would talk about their kids, but they would use it to judge. I could even see- well, you posted that at such and such a time, so you weren't working on lesson planning. Or, taking something I wrote out of context and going to the principal with it because they aren't happy with me. *Shudder*

Thanks for linking up!

Cold As Heaven said...

I'm anonymous in my blog too. Less than a handful know my real name. I'm anonymous to be able to write about anyhing I want, without making anyone embarrassed or upset. Then I can write all the plain harmless nonsense on Facebook >:)

Ellemes said...

My blog is public, but I don't use my real name and I try not to give any details other than that I live in Nebraska.

I did this mostly to discourage my students from looking for me (yearly one of them googles my maiden name and asks if I remember when I scored 17 points agains RC). I also don't want my in-laws to find me. I haven't said anything about them yet, but I bet the day will come.

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

I also keep my blog "semi"-anonymous. It's more for my daughter's benefit and my husband's job safety, but it's for me too. Unfortunately, I told some IRL friends early on about my blog (before it took on a life of its own), and now I wish I hadn't! They read into things WAY too much.

~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom

Cold As Heaven said...

... and since I'm anonymous in my blog, I handle everyone I write about in the same way. I have made a few rules that I try to follow, wrote a post about it couple of weeks ago:
http://cold-as-heaven.blogspot.com/2010/03/anonymous-blogging.html

Sonora said...

I can totally understand where you are coming from. I don't live in a small town, but I do have a nosy ex family. I also worry about crazy stalker people, so I try to do the semi-anonymous thing. I don't use my children's full names and I don't talk much about where we live. I think a blog is a wonderful place to be yourself and it can be such a healing and therapeutic outlet. Maybe you could meet in the middle somehow and you could find a way to be comfortable with a little of both the anonymous and real you.

Jessica said...

Ive only been blogging for a couple months now so I havent really told many of my IRL friends or my family. I probably wont just because I really dont want to have to filter my thoughts even more than I already do.

melonbelly said...

I am struggling with this as well. I made a family blog, but my family knows about this blog too...and they check it DAILY! I feel like I really need to censor myself and I HATE IT! They know the REAL ME, but its hard to be down-right-honest about things when you know your grandma, dad, inlaws are reading it. I wish they didnt.....

www.melonbelly.blogspot.com

following ya girlie!

melonbelly said...

PS whoever YOU are ;) hehe..sorry, couldnt refrain

Kel said...

When I began my blog, I too didn't want my friends to know about it. But after awhile it it was such a big part of my life that I wanted to share it with them. I even introduced a few of them to the blogging world. But I completely understand why you would want something of your own. Now I have to carefully edit everything I say.

Low Expectations said...

I did exactly what Kel said... when I first started out it was just for me.. then I told a few of my internet friends about it and it was months before I told some IRL friends. I kind of regret that I did that because I feel like I really have to sensor myself.

When I first started I had no problem sharing my name... then I realized how my name is so unique and how people could google me and find my blog. I didn't like that. I have since changed that.

It is really tough. I want to start a secret blog just for me but I enjoy having the people who I have met in the blog world sharing their thoughts on my thoughts... so tough.

Lisa said...

I don't blog anonymously but I sometimes wish I did.

Kim - In Search of Me in Mommy said...

I struggled with this. I am not annonymous - but there are some folks who I have not told. I know (or at least I have been lead me to believe) that some people would not "get it" and would have opinions that I am not interested in hearing. However, it is not a secret and if asked about it, I would not lie.

It's such a hard thing - and such a personal decision.

Stasha said...

I am not anonymous but I don't share EVERYTHING either. I had a blog on a different site where I shared EVERYTHING and it felt to me like I would blog about the same stuff in just a different way. So it got old. I try to not do that with this blog. So far so good.

Brandi said...

I'm not really anonymous, but I would have preferred if I would have been, although it's too late now!

gamommy2two said...

I gave up on blogging anonymously...it's too much work to keep it up. I'm just too lazy. But, I still keep parts of myself to myself...Like my children and my work and my family. I may blog about them, but I never share too much.

WonderWomanWannabe said...

I try my darndest to be annonymous in my blog, though I linked on FB a couple of times. My family has no idea, though I tell my husband every once in a while, in a round about way. I don't think he has read it, and as long as I keep our identies secret and hide my whereabouts, he'll stay cool with it.

Anna said...

I don't blog anonymously. I did consider it seriously, but I originally started my blog as a way to keep family and friends updates on our life. Most of the people who read my blog I know IRL. I definitely sometimes wish that I had an anonymous blog so that I could truly vent about certain situations. That has to be tough to maintain complete anonymity.

Traci said...

I did not start my blog anonymously which has mostly been okay but there have been times that I have chosen not to write on a subject because of that. I have considered setting up a second blog that is anonymous wherein I can say WHATEVER I want. What I do like about being "out" is that I have made so many friends and it is nice to feel comfortable using my own name, etc. It's a tough call, though. Good luck.

:-)
Traci

P.S. I'll follow Messy Mommy or Brooke.

Kara said...

I think if I didn't blog publicly, I would have very very few readers. I knew going into it and giving out the website info that people I knew would read it...I just didn't realize how many of them would! Everytime I see friends/family they say something about my blog. Which is flattering. But a little overwhelming too.

Cold As Heaven said...

Yes, that's true, Kara. With anonymous blogging it's harder to attract readers. On the other hand you avoid curious family and neighbors sneaking around. I'm blogging only for my own entertainment, and don't care if I have 2 or 2000 readers >:)

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

I made mine anonymous basically to prevent online crazies. Pretty much everyone I know, including the teachers at my kid's school, read. I am the kind of person that says what I think IRL too. But I does kinda suck that I can't rant about certain people, like my in-laws.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I started out anonymous because I too wanted a space where I could say anything I wanted. I also didn't want a specific person to find my blog (my ex-husband's nosy, judgey wife). But she found it anyway, and I've slowly divulged more and more personal information. I still don't tell most IRL people about it though. I may one day soon, but right now I still like it being my own place.

Chelle said...

I'm an open and honest blogger. I go by my nickname, but that isn't too far of a stretch for me bc IRL I go by my middle name. Hardly anyone even knows my first name.

Omg, this prob makes no since. Haha! But I don't hide anything :)

xoxo

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