the funniest thing EVER

This was too good to wait for Friday Fragments, plus it TOTALLY deserves it's own post!

Remember last week I mentioned in a fragment that Raven had lost my debit card? I searched high and low for that damn thing. Moved all the furniture, emptied the toy boxes, emptied the hampers, I even went through the TRASH! No findie.

I FINALLY got to the laundry today, and guess where I found my debit card that I've been searching for for SIX DAYS....

IN THE WASHING MACHINE!!!

So if I just would have done the laundry like a normal person I would've found it right away. The scary thing...did she hide it there because she knew I wouldn't find it? Has this little 3-yr-old gotten inside my head and figured me out? Dun dun dun.

laundry day and my new shoes

Procrastinated.

Again.

Surprise surprise!

Didn't do one load of laundry.

All week.

Why?

Because I was reading blogs of course! ;)

Dryer malfunctioning.

Have to dry every load twice.

Flippin Fabulous.

I'm not green.

Obviously.

Hubby uses a different towel everyday.

Says it's easier to grab a new one when he forgets his.

So I moved the towels to the hall closet.

Didn't help.

If you can walk to the hall dripping naked to get a towel, why can't you walk to the flipping bedroom dripping naked to get a towel?

Anyhoo.

My new shoes.

Went to the 2nd hand boutique yesterday.

They were having a sale.

Been needing brown shoes.

Really, I need them.

Found a purple pair of shoes I loved.

In my size.

Said to myself, "Too bad they don't have these in brown."

Wouldn't ya know?

Found them in brown.

In my size.

Tell me.

What are the chances of that happening?

Aren't they fabulous?

Don't look at my legs.

They're dry.

And slightly hairy.

Don't judge.

Happy Saturday! :)

superstitious? maybe a little

As you've come to know, I procrastinate. I told my mom to be ready to leave town at 9 a.m. on Friday morning, that way we'd be out of town by 10, which turned out to be about right. Pathetic I know.

So off we go. The drive is about 3 hours long, and my dr. appt was at 1:00, leaving us no time to spare. Stop #1 came about 2 1/2 hours into the trip, not bad not bad. Otter had to pee and frankly so did I. My mom had to go too but she stayed in the car with Raven and said she'd wait until we got back. About that time an entire busload of women show up so we decide to venture on. I wish women would learn how to move it along in the damn bathroom.

At this point I decide I better call the doc to tell them I'm going to be late. I check Otter in the rear view. Sleeping. Thank you. I look back at the interstate just in time to see I was about to hit something and there was no way of avoiding it. BAM.CRASH.SHATTER.POW.LOUD NOISES! Wow, I can't believe we just survived that. What the hell was it? We're so lucky we didn't blow a tire. blub blub blub blub. Shit. We did blow a tire.

My mom calls Triple A and they send someone out to change the tire. Question. Do you know how to change a tire? Because I don't know how to change a tire. Apparently my mom and I are the only women who don't know how to change a tire? Whatever, I don't give a flip. I don't know how and I don't want to know how. Besides, I was always told to NEVER EVER change your tire on the interstate, just ruin it and drive to the next exit.

The man who changed our tire said he lost his partner 13 years ago because a truck crashed into him as he was getting a car ready to tow. Can you even imagine?

While we're waiting, I call the doc and fill her in on the situation. I'm thinking, flip, I just drove 3 hours for an appointment that I'm going to have to reschedule. They said they'd work me in whenever I got there. Phew. My poor mom is about ready to pee her pants and I tell her to screw it and squat by the car. She FINALLY gutted up and did it, and then told me she hoped people didn't think that's why we had stopped. OMG. Seriously? Do you know these people? Who in the haitis cares?

As we pulled into town, I proceeded to drive to the other side of it and managed to hit EVERY FLIPPING RED LIGHT. Seriously? I get to my appointment and start filling out the heaping piles of paperwork that end up taking me ONE HOUR. It was then I realized what day it was...Friday...the 13th. It all fell into place. NO STINKIN WONDER!

Anyhoo, a couple hours later I get outta the appointment, (which went very well by the way,) and I'm stranded because they're still replacing the tires on my car. Notice how I said tires? Ya, apparently tires are like shoes, you have to buy them in pairs. Did you know this? I didn't know this. Lucky for me, there was a Goodwill down the street, where I found some smashing good deals.

This could've been the end to a long day, but instead we decide to stop at the mall for a quick in and out. Psh. Long story shorter but still not short...I set off the alarm at the Buckle because I'm trying to look at their shoes that they just have to put right by the door. What the hell? Do you want me to buy your damn shoes or scare me away. Whatev, your loss. Mom picks out shoes. Otter running everywhere. Shoe lady taking FOREVER. Mom goes to pay for shoes. Sees a discount coupon, goes back for more shoes. Shoe lady takes forever. Mom goes to pay for shoes. Other shoes gone. The smart check-out girl put them in someone else's bag. Brilliant. Back to shoe lady. Waiting. Waiting. Pay for shoes. THANK YOU!

Well my fellow readers, I will leave it at that. That was a lot to take in. Any of you have any interesting Friday the 13th happenings? Would love to hear!

i'm a new woman!

I'm feeling totally hip and refreshed. I just got my hair chopped, completely spur of the moment, my husband's gonna flip. I also went and picked up my new hip glasses. I usually wear contacts but my eyes need a breather every now and then. I'm looking like a totally different woman and LOVING it. I feel so damn cute, and I must say I'm also lookin it. I'll post a pic of the new do soon, not that it would matter, since I haven't even posted a pic of the old me. SOOOOOOOO, I suppose I'll have to give ya the before and after shots. Trust. You'll be blown away.

To top of the new me, I'm seeing a great doctor tomorrow to determine the best anti-depressant for my bitchiness, moodiness, horniLESSness, laziness, craziness, psychoness, and [enter word that descibes crazy person here.] I just know this is going to change my life. The potential for being the happiest woman alive is there, I just need to find it. The marriage is even getting better and better by the day. I knew the Lord would come to my rescue!

Anyhoo, the kids and I are leaving town with my mom tomorrow for a wedding on Saturday. I'm excited to get some shopping in. Did I mention the nearest Wal-Mart is 60 miles away, or that the nearest mall is 90 miles away, or that the nearest Target is 200 miles away? As I was saying... I'm excited to get a little shopping in. And some good food, too. We don't live in restaurant haven either.

So here I am again with my face glued to the computer. My house is a mess, there's laundry to be done, as always, I haven't started packing, and I have a staff meeting in an hour that will probably last at least two. Therefore, I decided this would be the perfect time to sit down and start designing our church's website. I was super honored they asked me to do it. Although I find it amusing that they think I can construct an entire website just because I blog like a mad woman, like it's the same thing or something. I'm sorry, but if you can't figure out how to blog, it may be safe to say you're along the lines of incompetent. But hey, I'm up for the website challenge. They bought me the software and I'm thinking it can't be too hard to figure out. We'll see...

Off I go to explore the wonders of the web. Until next time...

ya, better get to the basement

So last night was a semi-eventful night. I've been feeling like SHIT because I just started taking the pill. We've been using natural family planning but it was getting a little too risky for me. According to Femta, a natural planning program, I have 12 peak days to get pregnant, while most women only have around 3. No wonder we've had 2 surprises. Anyhoo, I was on the patch before Raven and every time I started a new cycle, I'd be sick the next morning, like morning sickness sick. It sucked.

So, back to the story... I was feeling like shit last night. A tornado warning is announced over my husband's pager, but I'm not worried because we're pretty much in them 30% of the time around here. I call Hubby, who is with the storm chaser, surprise surprise, to ask if we need to actually take cover, meaning crouch in a corner and put a mattress over our heads. No. The tornado siren starts blowing, I call him again, NOW do we need to take cover? "No, but ya better start headin to the basement." Are you flippin serious? The tornado siren is blowing, do you actually think I haven't even taken my kids to the basement??? What kind of mother do you think I am?

So, we're sitting in the basement, going about our usual business. And then...the siren...and then...the electricity. Shit. No flashlight. I go upstairs to stock up on candles. Now keep in mind I'm still feeling like shit. Otter's freaking out because he can't get the TV to work. I light all our candles downstairs and Hubby finally walks in the door, siren still sounding. He tells Otter to come "check it out" and then says, "Wait, you should probably stay away from the door." The glass door. Gee, ya think? Otter proceeds to check every light in the house, despite the fact we've told him the electricity is out and none of the lights work. "Well I'll just check this one. Hmmm, this one doesn't work either." No Otter, none of the lights will work until the electricity comes back on. "I bet this one will work. Hmmm, this light needs a new light bulb"...and on and on and on. Hubby leaves again. Meanwhile, our 6 fragrant candles all burning in one place is tending to make me a little nauseous. I lay down and let my small children play in the dark. Yes, mother of the year. To top it all off, I left a brand new package of diapers at work and didn't have ANY, and there was no getting outside. Thankfully that night my mom brought me a few after the storms cleared. What would I do without my mommy?

Anyhoo, the siren went off 8 times!!! It pretty much blew non-stop. It was raining pretty hard but nothing too serious. Hubby said he saw the tornado about 6 miles southwest of us, thankfully never making it's way over to us. It took a friend's garage and threw it against the side of their house. This is the hail that a friend had about 40 miles east. Needless to say a lot of damage was done.

So today, I still feel like shit and I'm even vomiting. I've done about 3 loads of laundry since we got back from Baltimore. Add it up, I don't want to.

Why does birth control suck? Is it like this for everyone or am I the odd ball? Please recommend something. Maybe I should just quit having sex all together. I bet that would strengthen my already rocky marriage...

just doing what i do best

I'm feeling better since my last post. Thanks to those of you who commented. The fam went out to my family's cabin at a nearby lake this past weekend, which I usually hate, but it was actually quite nice. We made some new friends, which is always nice, and it was just a good breather. Raven LOVED the water and it was fun watching her and Otter have such a blast. A good laugh can cure almost anything.

Now, I've spent the last two days on the computer. I've planned a romantic weekend getaway for Hubby and I for our 4th anniversary. That took an entire day because I wanted to make it perfect. I researched tons of hotels, entertainment, and on and on. As of right now we're going to be staying at a 4 diamond resort and getting a couples massage. I haven't decided on the entertainment yet. I'm thinking either a comedy club or a mystery dinner theater. Any suggestions?

I'm also planning a family outing. We have to take Otter to get another EEG a few hours away and I figured we might as well get a little fun out of it. I think we're taking the kids to the zoo. I'm trying to decide if I want to buy one of those sit-n-stand strollers or if we should just take the stroller and the sling. Suggestions?

Speaking of slings, I've been on the computer all morning looking at them. I just bought a ring sling for the pool since we'll be spending quite a lot of time there this summer. I also want to buy a Babyhawk but I'm telling myself I have to sell my other sling I don't use first. We'll see how that goes. I'm great at following rules I set for myself. (FYI, that was sarcasm.)

Next I'm planning on watching The Bachelorette. I'm actually not doing to bad on washing the laundry today, but my laundry table is JAM PACKED of clean clothes that need folding. Sometimes if I wait long enough they make their way back to the dirty clothes, causing lots of just plain WASTED TIME! It's okay, I'll figure out my stupidity eventually. Until then...well...?

the pigs are flying, sorta

You will never guess what I did yesterday. I caught up on ALL the laundry. It really is a miracle. Raven was with grandma so that may have something to do with it. I even had time to take Otter to the park! I am so darn proud of myself!

On the down side, the reason why I did all the laundry is because we're leaving for Otter's dr. appt. in Baltimore today. Our flight doesn't leave until tomorrow morning but since we're 4 hours away from the airport we'll be driving there tonight. And guess what my friends...maybe you guessed, I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED PACKING YET!!! And here I am, blogging away. Let me not forget I have to teach Sunday School in an hour and I haven't showered.

UGH! I just can't win.

as if i needed something else to do

No, I'm not new to the blogging world, I have two other blogs to update family and friends on family happenings, and I without a doubt should not be starting another blog because it's just another excuse for me to procrastinate laundry and other mommy duties.

However, I've decided to start this blog for ME, to say whatever I want to say whenever I want to say it. I’ve decided not to reveal any personal information in this blog. I’ve come up with aliases for my family and myself. There are many crazy people out there, and therefore I don’t feel the need to explain my reasoning for doing this. (Plus it's all mysterious and movie star-like.) And yes, I do know if someone really wants to they can find the info anyway.

I hope this blog reaches out to others like me. (Really because I want to know that people like me do actually exist.) So sit back, relax, and learn how to be the best procrastinator in the world.