Uh, more like depression is a full tank of gas if you look at the price. The lead singer comments, "For me, the coolest thing is just being able to fill up my gas tank and not look at how much it costs." Must be rough.
Michael Jackson's Doctor to Be Charged Monday
Now can we MOVE ON with our lives? Seriously.
Kate Walsh and Ex to Flip Coin Over Furniture in Divorce
Gee, good thing they don't have kids. Looks like Kate's love life sucks off-screen as much as it does on.
Can Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren Save Their Marriage?
That depends. Was he cured in sex rehab? My vote is no.
Jen Aniston Celebrates Her 41st Birthday in Mexico – with Gerard Butler
Don't get too excited. Gerard was her "surprise birthday guest." Whatever that means. She flew a group of friends to a resort in Mexico. I was so bummed my schedule was already full. Maybe next year Jen!
Heidi Montag: 'I'm Very Fragile'
Ya, a million surgeries in one day can do that to a person. "I'm thrilled," she says. "I'm the happiest I’ve ever been in my life." Keep telling yourself that wackjob.
Jamie Lynn Spears Moves out – and Moves on with New Guy
She moved back in with her mom and is supposedly dating a guy 10 years older than her. Nice.
Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Sue Over Split Story
Poo. I was really hoping it was true. GO BACK TO JEN!
Kate Gosselin Changes Up Her Hair — Again!
Ok that just looks like a bad wig. Leave your flippin hair alone.
Accused Psychiatrist Attends Seance for Anna Nicole Smith
Psychic told them Smith is "happy she's with (her late son) Daniel. She's sad she had to leave her daughter, but she really had to be with Daniel." WHAT THE?
Jake's Bachelor Blog: 'My Heart Stopped' When Ali Left
Well the spoilers have been right so far! Clearly Jake wasn't going to send Ali home, which obviously means he would've sent Gia packing. What was Ali thinking? You're an account manager for flippin's sake! You can find another job! Why don't these people check on these things BEFORE they go on the show?!?
Brooklyn Decker: My SI Swimsuit Cover Made Mom Cry – with Joy
Just what every mommy wants: her daughter half naked on the cover of a magazine.
Anne Hathaway: I'm Not Very Pretty
Jen Aniston Explains Her Affection for Gerard Butler
Watch Jessica Biel & Emile Hirsch Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro
Topher Grace: Beware So-Called Breath Strips at Parties
Just throwin that out there.
John Mayer Compares Jessica Simpson to 'Sexual Napalm'
Whoa Johnny, take it down a notch.
Grey's Anatomy's Leven Rambin Prayed to Get Engaged
I give it a year, TOPS.
VIDEO: Johnny Depp Gets 'Mad As a Hatter' for Role
"Johnny Depp's portrayal of the Mad Hatter may just rival Heath Ledger's sinister take on the Joker. " Better get a suicide watch on this one people!
John Mayer Apologizes for Using Racial Slur
He said the N word. (nigger)
Kate Gosselin's Big Night Out – Dinner! Clubbing! – in N.Y.C.
Tonight my hairstylist and I will be joining Kate and her hairstylist Ted. We'll also be meeting up with Jessica Simpson and her hairstylist Ken.
VIDEO: John Mayer Gets Emotional over Jessica Simpson Sex Talk
60% of readers believe the apology was not sincere. I voted no. (twice)
Source Close to Alec Baldwin: No Drugs or Alcohol Involved
Yeah right, and Tiger Woods was in a "car accident."
Alexander McQueen Found Dead
Do I dare admit I have no idea who this guy is?
Lauren Conrad Tops the Bestseller List – Again!
Tiger Woods's New Boat: A Peace Offering to Elin?
He had a 61-foot sporting boat custom designed and christened it, "Solitude." Hell, go back to him honey, you get a boat!
See ya next week for more People in Review!