people in review #3

Luger Death 'Casts Shadow' Over Olympics
His sled veered off the track and crashed into a steel pole at 90 mph. How incredibly tragic.

Daughter Dialed 911 When Alec Baldwin Didn't Answer Phone
I often call 911 when my dad doesn't answer the phone. It almost always means he's unconscious...

Heidi Montag: I Like My New Chin Best
I personally like the boobs.

The Pregnant Man Is Pregnant a Third Time
And you think your kids are bullied.

Jillian and Ed Share Valentine’s Day Tips From Hawaii
You are not yet listed on the "We Survived Real Life" Bachelor Couples list, and therefore you are not at liberty to be offering advice. Thank you.

24 Shooting Halts for Kiefer Sutherland's Minor Surgery
I doubt we'll miss much.

Victoria Beckham Reveals Her Oscar Night Gown
WHAT?!? You can't do that! That breaks the Red Carpet Code of Ethics! What is the matter with you?

Megan Fox: I'd Make a Great Mother
Holy crap.

Britney Spends Valentine's Day at McDonald's
She's so white trash lucky. What I would give to be able to go there someday.

Pierce Brosnan Shows Robert Pattinson How to Be Mr. Sociable
Pierce, vampires are not "sociable."

Brooke Mueller Is in Rehab
I think it's possible she's only addicted to making the headlines.

Jake's Bachelor Blog: 'I Will Always Love Ali'
But only until next week. And Pilot Jake wants to remind you "the flight crews are just as frustrated as you are," due to cancelled and delay flights from the snow. What a pansy.

Maggie Gyllenhaal Gets Oscar Pointers from Brother Jake
I love them. Don't you just love them?

Lionel Richie Can't Wait to Walk Nicole Down the Aisle
Can I come?

Jessica Simpson Calls America's Weight Obsession 'Disgusting'
She says, "I would not wish on my worst enemy what I went through." I know! I would HATE to be famous and have big boobs. C'mon Jess, leave the pity party to the women who actually are fat. But yes, it is disgusting.

The Bachelor's Ali 'Shocked' Jake Didn't Take Her Back
C'mon "I look great in yellow." You are like SOOOOOOOOO last week. Hmmm...job I can get anywhere vs. man of my dreams. Tough choice moron. La-hooooooooo-sah-herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (Loser Dumb and Dumber style, just clearing that up.) And no way in haitis are you going to be the next Bachelorette. You wouldn't be able to take off from your one in a million job anyway.

Jon Gosselin and TLC Reach a Settlement
GET A JOB LOSER!

American Idol's Top 24 Revealed!
I think I might start watching this.

The Bachelor's Gia Was 'Hysterical' Reliving Heartbreak
That poor precious thing nearly had me in tears, for reals.

Leonardo DiCaprio & Bar Rafaeli Are 'Very Similar,' Says Pal
Who names their kid Bar? Seriously. "Well honey, it's where you were conceived."

Sold! Jon & Kate's Starter Home Sells – at a Loss
Surprising actually. I figured they'd turn it into a museum or something.

Facebook Group Promotes John Mellencamp for Senate Seat
{la la} Little ditty about Jack and Diane. Two American kids growin up in the heartland. {la la}

'Sexier and More Confident' Heidi Montag Designing Clothes for Her New Body
I'm sure she has to. They don't make barbie clothes for real people.

Tiger Speaks Today, But What Will He Say?
Read on.

The Bachelor's Ali: I Still Miss Jake
Ya she'll be the next Bachelorette. She said she would challenge herself to "put love first" this time if given the opportunity.

Kelly Osbourne's in Love – with Her New Body
Okay she looks good. But is giving up carbs really worth being skinny? I vote no.

Tiger Woods's 'Real Apology to Elin Will Come from My Behavior'
If you're a sex addict can you still have sex with your wife? Just asking.