relief is here

Last week's ultrasound showed a strong heartbeat and an actual baby with arms, legs, and fingers, moving all over the place. It's amazing how fast they develop. The miracle of life is so amazing!

Still trying to decide if we should find out the sex at our 20 week ultrasound. I'll be 12 weeks tomorrow. I have a while to think about it. What do you think?

not what i was hoping for

I had my 2nd appt today. I'm 10 weeks and 3 days. The doctor said we should be able to hear the heartbeat and I was so excited. I was around 10 weeks with Raven when I heard her heartbeat for the first time.

He searched for what seemed like eternity, to no avail. He was not at all worried, and said it's pretty much hit or miss at 10 weeks. I put on a front and pretended like I wasn't worried. I don't know why, probably because he wasn't worried. He said I could have an ultrasound but it wouldn't be until next week. He acted like it was unneccessary so I said no. He said he'd see me in 4 weeks and we'd definitely be able to hear it then.

By the time I hit the seat of the car, I was bawling. I called Hubby who met me back at work. I couldn't stop sobbing and he told me I should have asked for the ultrasound. So I called back and scheduled one.

My friend was 10 weeks when they couldn't find a heartbeat, did an ultrasound, and found out there was in fact no heartbeat. She didn't miscarry for another 2 weeks after that. So needless to say I'm freaking out.

My ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday, until then I'll just try to not to drive myself crazy.

back from the dead

Happy Mother's Day! Today has actually been a good day! I have been having an awful time dealing with morning sickness, laziness, and mood swings. I've felt horrible and depressed.

This will be the last baby.

I finally got around today and did some things that needed to be done around the house. Let's remember that I'm what they call a messie. We made the decision last year that we would hire a house cleaner to come in every two weeks. IT'S WONDERFUL! But I still can't believe how messy our house can get. Now all I need is someone to do my laundry.

I'll be 10 weeks on Tuesday, and will hopefully be able to hear the heartbeat at my appt on Friday!

I'll try to post more this week. I have some things that have been on my mind. Until then!

season finales that left my heart racing

I try not to let TV shows get to me, cause ya know they're not real and yatta yatta, but sometimes I can't help myself. The following are my most memorable tv moments.

90210 WAAAAAAAAYYYY back in the day. The episode was titled, "One Wedding and a Funeral." I don't remember the complete details, but Dylan marries Toni, and her dad makes this plan to kill him, as he killed Dylan's father years before. Toni goes to meet her dad instead of Dylan, and she ends up getting killed. It was heartbreaking! Dylan must've figured out what was going to happen and opens her car door as she collapses into his arms, dead.

As Dylan packs up to leave town after the funeral, he hugs her wedding dress that's still hanging on the window. It left me disturbed for like a week. I thought about it all the time. It was SO sad. I'm pretty sure I was only like 12 at the time.

I googled the show today and there are videos all over YouTube of the shooting, plus several montages of Dylan and Toni, which I think is quite amusing. Check this one out if you want.


Next up, Grey's Anatomy. I think we all remember this one. Denny dies after his heart transplant just when you think him and Izzie are going to get their happily ever after. Once again, heart wrenching.


And finally, the inspriration for this post, this week's Private Practice. All the signs that Katie was crazy, and NOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN? Oh my gosh, why couldn't Cooper have just gone INSIDE??????????????? I couldn't sleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about it. It's going to be a long few months.